the Secret of the Sword

from My Life in the Gush of Boasts by UnFun

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This feels exactly like track two to me. Am I a one-note thing? Probably. It's probably g-flat. Ugh.

There's one section of maybe six bars in here that I wrote ten years ago and then just ignored forever. That's weird, right? I should do this more. Or I should stop. Either one, just not the pace I'm at.

Cybernet is probably copyrighted.

I feel weird about the "rappers are black and rappers are jewish" bit, but I think the punchline is worth it? Tell me if I'm wrong on that one.


this track is about
growing up in the eighties
and quarter life crises
and failing with ladies
'bout hanging with friends
writing beats in the basement
looking on back
wondering where all the days went
professional resume starts to get stale
i consider a phd through the mail
but if you confront me, say "you're dropping the pace"
you're risking receiving a flop to the face
'cause i'm a sensitive dude
and i hustle like pre
I just got lots to do
gotta write, gotta eat
gotta watch cartoons, and I gotta nap
gotta work, gotta nap
gotta try to rap
so i wipe the blood off the dance floor with a towel
and i wipe the blood off the dance floor with a scowl
and i turn to the dj, say sorry, you're fired
we've got a cybernet speaker system which i've rewired
to make music for me so now i'm retired
you think i'm sick of the game?
oh no, i just beat it
being handed all the quarters that you drop in to feed it
If there's a problem, yo I'll defeat it
check out the hook while my gameboy repeats it
went back to college for a year
where I studied rap, and we
looked at advances made by the Japanese
and turntable culture and Flash and his white lines
but I just perched looking out for the right time
keeping fame in my sightlines
practiced writing those tight rhymes
and now I'm here, wherever that is
not into fighting over who is the baddest
I just wanna make money
buy some turntables, break some hearts, and go home
I don't wanna make out anymore
look man, I've worked through that phase
and I don't wanna make a ton of money,
just enough to guarantee that I'll always be
the scummiest dude in the house
my post-showering toweling ritual
had left me displeased and scowling (da da da)
I had been cold, I felt my feet damp
so I went and installed a heat lamp
now my bathroom's so bright that I've gotta wear shades
I'm running low on pants and I'm running low on money
and I can't buy more pants without more money
so I'm selling my plasma and I'm selling my seed
and when I'm low on cash I'm not above selling some weed
(half time)
but that's not manufactured by my body so I'd have to find a source
and if I had that kind of time I do not think I'd be this poor
really I'd like a job where I serve a purpose
or a job where I surf a porpoise
either one of those would be okay
If there's a problem, yo I'll defeat it
check out the hook while my gameboy repeats it
potayto potahto either way it's a tuber
taking over situations like my name is Hans Gruber
the story of my days at home
I cook for two, I eat alone
I'll take a bowl of uncle sam cereal
and a hot mug of postem please
this time around I'm trying to embrace myself
not like pretending to make out in the corner
but like representing me instead of representing some ideal
that I'm squeezing myself into
rappers are black, and rappers are jewish
and I'm sort of a combo 'cause I'm so white I'm bluish
I got more plans than I can handle
call me scandal Reggie Mantle
I can't deal with raising humor up above infantile
disney fired all the folks who watch for flashers on splash mountain
but they still have time to yell at me when I scatter porn on the matterhorn
I'm not gonna settle down
in any little town
I'll just piddle around
until my life is over
If there's a problem, yo I'll defeat it
check out the hook while my gameboy repeats it


from My Life in the Gush of Boasts, released March 1, 2016




Jim Hickcox Austin, Texas

Jim makes music under many different monikers, in many different ways, in many different places. Some of it is worthwhile. A lot of it is by himself. That part is what's on here.

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